sounds like an indie film

rape isn't sex, it's a power play

when i was a little girl
and my mother was still a child
she let a man, a boy into her home

he needed a place to stay
he was harmless
except once, he stole her underwear
and told everyone he slept with her

i recounted this story to her
many years later
she was surprised i knew
but i was always
listening as a child
kneeling by her knee
and under her hands
i worshiped her

he wasn't harmless
and although he didn't hurt me as bad
as i've been hurt before
he hurt me

my mother, that night, she came home
to find him naked

and i was on the couch
when previously i was on the ground
between my brothers
breathing as children do
deep and undisturbed

'how did you get on the couch'
i shrugged
she was drunk and let it go

called all her friends and took a picture
to tell of this boy,
this nasty thing

it didn't hurt me until later
it wasn't noticeable until later
when i found out he had

been raping his sister

she was the same age as me
and there's a picture of us
five years old

sitting on a couch
looking old and sick
not happy
each others secret kept from the other
but still knowing
understanding the silence

years later
we would meet again
fifteen, a walk to the park, and the
secret was out and known

he was in jail
we were still hurt
fifteen, playing on the swings
daring each other to go higher
love the other any harder
as survivors

we were no longer secrets
and there was a fear in that
we stared into each others eyes
and acknowledged the reflection
and how could i not love myself if i chose to love her

we knew what we knew
and we never said it
out loud to the other

rape isn't sex, it's a power play
he hurt us
and you could hardly notice
the mark it left
unless you knew it was permanent

birthday girl

 

Shirt:  F21

                                                                      Shoe-SportsZone

                                                                          Skirt: H&M

July 1st, my birthday.  I am now twenty years old, and I feel each year.  I am no longer a teenager, and as exciting as it sounds, It is also quite daunting.  I feel old. I am in that weird in between age. Not a teenager, but not old enough to drink...legally.  This age has no reward.  Being twenty is like being twelve, seventeen, nineteen.  It's an age that's a year early to the party. Already dressed, just awaiting an invitation; but I'm twenty.  I'm technically in my twenties, and this can be the worst time or the best time of my life. It's the beginning of my real true adulthood.  My friends are older, my co-workers are older, and I am older. Yes, I'm a little early to the party, but I'm the best dressed.

being

i lost you
when you left me
to find yourself

leaving me tired
and i am tired
of being tired
of being


-ky